Laz Vic

Actor/Writer/Comedian

A Spoonful of Sugar

Greetings from cyber space, Today I have a doctors appointment to get a full physical. If left to my own devices cruel and unusual things can happen. I got bored and decided to check the popular website, WebMD. By the end of my session I was convinced I had several diseases, everything from Lymphoma to Diabetes. So the only way to be at peace is to go to the doctors office and demand I receive every test known to modern medicine.

I tell ya, getting an appointment is quite a task. Now I know why Doctors go to school for so long, so they can never work. Every office I called had a different rule or excuse:

"Sorry the doctor only works Tuesdays and Thursdays"

"You need a referral in order to see this doctor"

"We don't take United Health Care for physicals"

"He only works every other full moon during the leap year"

I mean, come on! The receptionists act as if you just stumbled upon their secret society and only the elite are allowed proper health care. It's also strange how the service improves the further North you travel. In my town, where us minorities live, you may walk in for a check-up and walk out with an amputated limb. Not to mention you have to wait in a 4ft by 4 ft room with 80 other patients with highly contagious diseases. On the positive side most of these offices have many services - Doctor/Insurance/Cell Phone Outlet so you can get a tax refund on your new cell phone in the middle of surgery.

So today I will opt to drive a bit north and pray that they don't discover some new rare disease that only I have.

Until next time - IF their is a next time